cactus: what has been the most damaging relationship you’ve been in?

Imagine a lover who makes you smile every day. They’re always there for you. You joke together, laugh together. You hang out after school and maybe, maybe sometimes you even kiss. Or not even a lover, imagine a best friend. And they’re always there. 

One day, suddenly, it’s the cold shoulder. No explanation. And you have lost them, suddenly, cruelly, and you will NEVER get an explanation. Like they just woke up one morning and decided they got bored of you. Like they were done playing with you, and it was time to throw you away. 

This happened to me three times. 

It’s not the relationships that are damaging, to me, it’s the sheer pain of loss and it happens again and again and finally I realized that when you are filled with love and all you want is to share it, all you will ever get is taken advantage of and thrown away. 

I don’t actually believe that. But I did, and I hated myself, and distrusted everyone, and that’s how damaged I was by these cruel, young boys.